Blog #2 - What Matters

1. For my Dad it would be great if he could remain healthy and fit and able to manage to live by himself in his own house.



It would be great if Dad could sit outside of his house and enjoy the freedom and the fresh air and just relax.



It would be fantastic if Dad lived to see his great grandchildren.  Dad was always involved with the children when they were younger especially Daniel and he would love to see Daniel's baby and for him to be happy as well as all his other grandchildren.



This would have to be his great grandchildren as he was always around his grandchildren.  Dad was always busy working when we were younger so I guess he enjoyed having time with his grandchildren.  I also think having five girls he more than likely really enjoyed playing with the boys.

The pictures I do not want to see my Dad going through are if he is ill in hospital.  Dad has been very lucky and hasn't spent too long in hospital over the years.  He is obviously made of very "strong stuff" as he always bounces back from any illness.




With this picture I hope my Dad doesn't get to the stage where he is unable to walk and needs help to walk with a frame and for someone to be beside him.  Dad is a very "free spirit" and would be very upset to be in this situation.



With this picture, it looks like the poor man is just wandering and not sure where to go, I really hope that doesn't happen to Dad.



The key differences is about Dads health and I really hope he stays healthy and fit, perhaps it is a lot to ask as you are getting old.  It is also allowing Dad to have his independence, which can also be difficult if Dad is going to be a danger to himself and also anyone else close by.

2. It is very important to stay at home as long as the older person can, there are many factors, physically but being at home Dad has to do things for himself.  Yes, he has carers coming in to help and support him but if he needs something he will go and get it.  This keeps Dad active and keeps him moving.  As you get older, for example,  if you are not using your legs regular then they get stiff and perhaps knees become sore and then it is hard to keep moving.  I think by keeping active it really helps you physically. Dad would work on his garden and potter around. Dad will come shopping with me and he always decides on what food he requires and he will even select his food.    This keeps him going physically and mentally as well.  Mentally it really helps him staying at his home as he has his independence and he can deal/contribute in keeping the house going.  With this independence it helps Dad mentally and emotionally because he doesn't feel he is a burden to anyone.  By having the carers coming in it does take the pressure of me because I know that someone is coming to see him throughout the day and I know that he is safe.  Dad has been in his home for just over 50 years and it is his life.  The home where we were all brought up and raised and shared with my Mom.  The house has remained the same and would need to be decorated but he is very happy there.  Happiness is so important as well as you get older, you have to be contented.  I guess this is the spiritual side of things.  Dad also has people coming to visit him that could be restricted if he was to go to a residential home.  Dad also likes a small whiskey before bedtime - that may not be able to happen if he was in a residential home!

This man look very happy, he is contented he is living at home and making the most of everyday and his life.



This could be a picture of a man who is not happy to be living at home.  This poor man below looks sad.



3.  a) For Dad I have managed for him to keep having carers at his house.  Dad is still able to live at home and it is all going alright.  I have tried a few care agencies because the first one I used kept sending really young people and they just weren't interested in speaking to my Dad.  I felt sorry for them but it didn't work for Dad.  The agency now have older people and they really talk and help Dad and he is a lot happier with them.
b) Due to our awful family dynamics, it is left to me to deal with Dad's welfare.  Sometimes one of the sisters gets involved and usually creates issues.  It is an awful situation because they don't do anything but criticise if things are not done properly.
c) and d)This was a very difficult time and also the family dynamics did not help the situation.  The carers got involved when Dad left hospital on one occasion.  I do not think I have mentioned it yet but Dad is partial sighted and his eyesight was getting worse and although it was difficult for him to accept carers coming into the house he did feel that he needed some help.  For Dad it is really someone just to keep "an eye" on him, that sounds strange, due to his poor eyesight!  For Dad it really was help with the evening meal and making sure he was eating healthy.  I think Dad was really good as he knew I couldn't be there all the time and he also knows my other sisters were not helping him.
It would have been good to have had some support to have dealt with my sisters as they were putting obstacles in the way as Dad was spending his money on care and they were not very happy (it is an awful situation).  There was a local carers group which I think is funded by the local council, when I explained the issues I was having with my siblings who were against Dad getting the extra help, they said to ignore them.  It was a very difficult time and I felt sorry for Dad.

Dad has nurses coming in twice a day to administer eye drops.  The carer comes in for an hour in the morning and either prepares and makes sure Dad has his breakfast and clears up.  The carer comes in early evening and prepares dinner for Dad.

e) I think it is working alright at the moment, as I said previously there were a few carers that didn't work out as well but that is resolved now.  I guess it would be nice if my sisters saw and helped Dad but I cannot see that changing as it hasn't for years.  I don't think anything needs changing currently but things could change over night as Dad is elderly.




It is difficult as I know it can easily change as Dad is getting older.

f) The plan may change if Dads health deteriorates, in the past he has had an urine or chest infection and he has required additional carer support.  If Dad has a fall then he may need additional help depending upon how his mobility is.  If Dad becomes confused then he would need additional help to make sure he does not wander around the streets.  It really is week by week to see how Dad progress.  I do find in the winter time I have increased the help and support as he cannot go in the garden like the summer time.

4.  If Dad does require more help in the future, it would be to:

a. Make sure the additional carer is helping Dad and he isn't getting upset by them not support him, this can be difficult because sometimes Dad just needs someone to watch over him and make sure he is alright.  Dad has said to me the carers are "like statues" it is hard on the carer because I want them there to make sure Dad is alright and of course Dad thinks he is alright and managing on his own.

b. Making sure Dad stays independent and he is able to cope independently

c. At home Dad has the freedom and that is very important to him, he can go outside and have a walk.

I think these three things are very important to Dad as it keeps him going physically and mentally and keeps him young.  I guess I would bring in additional support to his home and hopefully Dad is content and reasonably happy.

5. Dad is a quiet, reserved and a man of very few words and it was difficult to get the answers from him.  He did say he wants to be happy, safe and secure, he doesn't want to be worrying about money.  Dad wants his family to be in good health and settled.

Dad felt that his home is the place that he has always known and feels secure and would like to stay there for as long as possible.  Dad did not really want to think of other alternatives to his house - I briefly touched on warden control housing and he seems alright with this option but is it much different than he has today.  In the past we looked at a few warden control options but the warden doesn't appear to be there all the time.  Dad is quiet he isn't one to mix in groups or people, he is very self sufficient.  Dad just kept saying I would have to make the decision nearer the time to what care needs I require.

With Dad's answers I wasn't surprised by his responses.  I guess when the time comes to make decisions on the next phase we will have to see how Dad is and what his requirements will be.